Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me.

For those who know me, it's no secret that my all time favorite hymn is Rock of Ages.

There are a multitude of reasons why I love this hymn, but today I saw an even deeper connection between the hymn and a story about Moses found in Exodus...I had an "ah-hah!" moment, if you will.

In Exodus 33 Moses is talking with the Lord (which is NUTS, by the way...he's literally just having a convo with God...) about his next move as the leader of the Israelites. In verse 18 Moses asks God to show him His glory. What an odd request. I mean, this is the same Moses who is talking with God in a pillar of cloud a few verses beforehand (Ex 33:9), not to mention the same guy who saw God bring the plagues upon Egypt (Ex 7-12) and who witnessed God split the Red Sea (Ex 14), and yet he's asking for the Lord to show him His glory. Weird. It's almost as if Moses could sense that he was still not in full and complete fellowship with God, despite all of the ways he had seen and interacted with Him.

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So how does the Lord respond? "'I will make all My goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you My Name 'The Lord.' And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy'" (Ex 13:19). So He agrees! Oh how elated Moses must have been in that moment, that the Lord said He would show mercy toward Moses and reveal Himself to him! But, there was a catch. The Lord would show Himself to Moses, but not fully, because He knew that Moses was a sinful man and that the Law was not enough to grant Him complete access and fellowship with Him. So instead, in His mercy, God offers a cleft for Moses to hide in as He passes by. "And the Lord said, 'Behold, there is a place by Me where you shall stand on the rock, and while My glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with My hand until I have passed by'" (Ex 33:21-22).

Example of a cleft in a mountain

The Lord provided Moses with a way to behold His glory, to have access to Him. Why? Because He chose to be merciful toward Moses!

So, here's how this ties into my favorite hymn. The first verse of the hymn says,

"Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee; let the water and the blood, from Thy wounded side which flowed, be of sin the double cure; save from wrath and make me pure." 

It's the first time that I connected the magnitude of the fact that Christ is our cleft! He is what the Lord has given in order to grant us full fellowship with Him! (1 Timothy 2:5 says, "For there is one God, and there is one Mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus...") On our own we are unable to have fellowship with God because of our sinfulness (1 John 1:5-6) or walk in obedience and righteousness (Gal 2:16), but with Christ and because of Christ we are able to not only have fellowship with God but continually grow in becoming more and more like Him. Thus the second verse of Rock of Ages:

"Not the labors of my hands can fulfill Thy law's commands; could my zeal no respite know, could my tears forever flow, all for sin could not atone; Thou must save, and Thou alone."

Thou must save and Thou alone. After Moses encountered the Lord, he wore a veil over his face because it shined so brightly that the Israelites couldn't bear to look directly at him (Exodus 34:33). When Paul talks about this veil that kept the Israelites from beholding the glory of God in Moses, he says, "...because only through Christ is it (the veil) taken away" (2 Cor 3:14). 

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So, here's the greatness of the gospel. Are you ready? Under the old covenant and the law, Moses needed a cleft to hide in and a veil to cover his face because he (along with Israel) could not bear to have full access to the glory of God. "But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed...And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another" (2 Cor 3:16, 18). Did you catch that? Because Christ is our cleft, our Mediator, we have access to God and we no longer have a veil over our faces; instead we have the opportunity to have full fellowship with Him and to grow more and more like Him each day. We've not only been transformed, but we are being transformed!

So, what does this mean for us?
        We have freedom (2 Cor 3:17) to walk boldly in the presence of the Lord because He has mercifully given us access to Himself through Christ and is now purposefully transforming us into His image. Meaning, even though I can look at my life at this very moment and see ways I have failed to walk in obedience to Christ, I can look at myself and compare where I am now to where I was 4 years ago, when the Lord revealed the gospel to me, and see that He has been continually transforming me to His image each day. I am different, I am transformed; I can see this in the way I spend my time, the way I treat those around me, where my priorities lie, etc, etc. And the beauty is, I will continue to be more and more transformed until the day Christ calls me home. This is why I can boldly sing,

"While I draw this fleeting breath, when mine eyes shall close in death, when I soar to worlds unknown, see Thee on Thy judgment throne; Rock of Ages, cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee." 

Psalm 18 - In My Own Words.

I have been challenged this semester to learn how to meditate on Scripture. 

The first time I heard this, I imagined myself sitting with my legs crossed and eyes closed thinking really really hard about a verse in the Bible I had read...and I thought that was weird. But I have been corrected in my understanding of meditation. For one, I didn't realize that the Lord commanded this of us in multiple places: 

"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it." -Joshua 1:8

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." - Psalm 19:14 

 There are many more within Scripture telling us to dwell on, meditate on, think about the Word of God. But how? Well, today I tried one particular method that my professor, Dr. Donald Whitney, taught us in class from his book, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. 

I read a Psalm and then put the Psalm into my own words. Specifically, I read Psalm 18. The outcome was a beautiful reminder of what the Lord has done in my life in short 3 years, and the pure salvation I have experienced through Him. I wanted to document this to serve as a reminder to me and anyone else who reads it of the powerful redemption of our God, and to serve as an example of how you can spend time dwelling on one passage in Scripture. 

Read Psalm 18 either before, after, or side by side with this entry...it'll make more sense that way! 

Psalm 18

My Lord is my rock. My refuge.

A mighty fortress is our God.

The cords of death encompassed me;

in my sin the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called upon the Lord;

to my God I called for help.

From His temple He heard my voice,

my cry to Him reached His ears.

And He answered me. In power He came,

the foundations trembled and quaked,

because He was angry.

A righteous, powerful anger for His chosen daughter,

crying out for His rescue.

He sent from on high, He took me;

He drew me out of the water that was encompassing me.

He rescued me from my strong enemy,

for satan and sin were too mighty for me.

He rescued me, because He delighted in me.

And now, the Lord deals with me according to my righteousness,

a righteousness not earned through what I do,

but through the sacrifice of His Son.

The perfect sacrifice.

No longer must I pay for my sins sacrifice after sacrifice

after sacrifice to earn my Lord’s forgiveness.

He gave us the perfect, ultimate sacrifice through Christ.

Through Him we are forgiven. (Romans 5:12-21)

Now He deals with me according to the cleanness of my hands.

For by grace, through Christ, I am now blameless before Him

and able to keep myself from guilt.

With the merciful, You show Yourself merciful;

with the blameless, You show Yourself blameless;

with the purified, You show Yourself pure.

I am these things because You have made me so.

For it is You who light my lamp;

the Lord my God lightens my darkness.

This God - His way is perfect;

the Word of the Lord proves true;

He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him.

For who is God, but the Lord?

And who is a rock, except our God--

The God who equips me with strength

and makes my way blameless?

You’ve equipped me; bow, shield, and armor (Ephesians 6:11-18)

to fight this war with sin that  wages against my soul (1 Peter 2:11).

With You, the battle is won.

The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock,

and exalted be the God of my salvation--

the God who delivered me from my enemy.

I will praise You, O Lord, among this nation and others

and sing Your Name and tell of the 

great salvation You bring to Your people.

Righteousness

3 years ago I became a disciple of Christ during an 8-month discipleship program called The Forge. (This story is coming...I promise!) I thought, coming into the program, that I absolutely was a Christian, and absolutely knew the Gospel. But it wasn't until I began actually studying the Word of God and lived in a community of intentional discipleship and teaching that I realized I was mistaken...I actually did not understand the Gospel and most certainly had not been living the life of follower of Jesus Christ.

My Forge class!

So once that truth sank in and the Lord revealed to me the mysteries of His Gospel, I immediately set my mind to learning how to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which (I) had been called" (Ephesians 4:1). I spent the remainder of my year at The Forge having hard conversations, repenting of past sin, welcoming refinement through fire (1 Peter 1:6-7) and attempting to walk in obedience in all manner of life. This went along with ups and downs, but overall fairly well (it always seems to when you're surrounded by love and encouragement from fellow believers 24/7) up until graduation, and I, along with my Forge brothers and sisters, left STOKED to live out of this deep understanding of the identity the Lord had given to us (1 Peter 2:9).

 The final days of the Forge, displaying the now understood identities for each of us individually!

Alas, there was one concept that I had a misconstrued definition of, and it took quite some time for me to realize and, more importantly, rewrite this error. The word I was mistaken about was

Righteousness. 

Unknown to myself at the time, I had a very worldly definition of this word, as I'm sure many of you can relate to. In short, to live righteously in my mind was to "do the right thing". Makes sense, right? This article gives a great example by comparing the world's definition of righteousness to our law enforcement. Police officers could care less why you obey the law, as long as you do, right? Simply do what is right, and you're good, you've lived a "righteous" life. But as the article goes on to explain, Christ redefined this definition of righteousness when he highlighted the heart and motivation behind the action in Matthew 5 during the Sermon on the Mount. It is here that Christ makes the bold claim,

"...everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28) and "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment" (Matthew 5:21-22). 

It is here that He is demanding a transformation of the heart just as much as a transformation in actions. If Christ simply wanted obedience, He would have been satisfied with the Pharisees. But He wasn't. He demanded a righteousness that, quite honestly, within ourselves we are unable to fulfill. That is why Paul quotes Psalms 14 and 53 in the book of Romans, to highlight our inability to fulfill this righteousness on our own. "For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written, 'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God'" (Romans 3:9-13).

Sounds kind of hopeless, doesn't it?

But, as we know, there is always hope in the Gospel. I found hope when I realized that my righteousness was not dependent on, nor defined by, my actions. Instead it is dependent on the already accomplished actions of Christ! "For as by one man's disobedience (Adam) the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience (Christ) the many will be made righteous" (Romans 5:19). I realized that when I became a disciple of Christ, I took on the identity of His holy people (1 Peter 1:14-16, 2:9), and now have been made righteous in the sight of God! Do you see? When the Lord now looks at me He does not see me as a sinner separated from Him, but because Christ walked in obedience (obedience even to death-Philippians 2:8) He now sees Christ and HIS righteousness in me! Whew. Talk about hope...and excitement....and relief. 

So to summarize all of this up, here is the truth that brings peace. I am righteous because the Lord calls me righteous, and now I am able to live out of that identity instead of striving to attain it. What a difference this makes, when we accept that we do not have to earn His salvation, love or mercy, but instead live our lives in obedience as an outflow of the identity He has mercifully placed upon us. Praise the Lord, o my soul. (Psalm 103)

Christian and Apollyon

I've heard of the book The Pilgrim's Progress multiple times in my life, but I've never taken the time to sit down and read it. This is no longer true, since it is on my syllabus for my Personal Spiritual Disciplines course I am taking in the fall. So, to get a head start I have begun the book, and am loving it so far. It's a blatant allegory about the life of a Christian and the trials he/she may face.

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I just read a scene that made me want to pump my fist in the air and say, "Heck. Yes." So I thought I would share. :)

Christian (main character) has been on his journey to the City of Zion for quite some time. He has endured trials, climbed the mountain of Difficulty, has been shown truth, and is now descending into the Valley of Humiliation. While there he comes across a beast named Apollyon (Revelation 9:11 -- "the destroyer" or "satan"), who attempts to persuade him to return to his hometown, the City of Destruction, and return under his lordship. Christian refuses multiple times, until finally Apollyon falls into a rage against him, and begins pounding him with flaming darts (Ephesians 6:16).

Fortunately, Christian had been given armor at the top of the mountain of Difficulty (Ephesians 6:10-20), so he was able to shield himself from the darts. Apollyon was not dissuaded, and continually attacked him over and over, until Christian "grew weaker and weaker" (59). Then Apollyon "espying his opportunity, began to gather up close to Christian" and delivered such a blow as to knock Christian's sword from his hand and put him on the ground, so that Christian "began to despair of life" (59). ((Don't worry guys, the fist pump will come soon...)

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Just as Apollyon was getting ready to make his final blow, Christian "nimbly reached out his hand for his Sword, and caught it, saying, 'Rejoice not against me, O mine Enemy! When I fall, I shall arise'" (59) and with that gave a deadly thrust which caused Apollyon to stumble backward. Christian seized this opportunity shouting, "Nay, in all these things we are more than Conquerors, through Him that loved us!" (60) and Apollyon spread his wings and quickly fled from Christian. (**insert fist pump and HECK. YES!**)

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Favorite. Christian defeated Apollyon (satan) with the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God" (Ephesians 6:17). Here are the scriptures he quoted against Apollyon (the Micah verse is AWESOME).

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me." -Micah 7:7-8

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." -Romans 8:35, 37

Praise God that He has equipped us with the means to resist and defeat our foe, the devil. We have the power through His Spirit and His Word to conquer daily that which has already been conquered through the death of Christ. This is why it is IMPERATIVE that we KNOW the truth that we claim to believe, why we have no excuse to not commit scripture to memory and have a relationship with His living and active Word (Hebrews 4:12). Otherwise, how do we expect to battle satan when he strikes? Note I said "when", not "if". What a great reminder for us all to daily arm ourselves with the Word of God.

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." --1 Peter 5:8-11 

Ephesians 2:1-10

I dwelt on this scripture today while being a part of the Lord's Supper at our church. What a sweet, sweet reminder of what the Lord saved us from, and how He went about doing it. 

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

The Purity Principle

I'm currently reading a book called The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn for one of my classes in the fall. It is a great, brief book about fighting the temptation of sexual sin and how to go about that fight. It's a quick read, and though he has his cheesy one-liners at times, it has some SOLID points about ways to prevent falling into sexual temptation, or how to fight back if you're already in the midst of this sin. Two things have stood out to me so far from this book.

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In one of the chapters he references Psalm 119:33-37 (specifically verse 37) as a way to battle any type of sexual temptation, and I love the verses so much that now I'm committing them to memory.

"33Teach me, O Lord, the way of Your statutes; and I will keep it to the end. 34Give me understanding that I may keep Your law and observe it with my whole heart. 

35Lead me in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in it. 36Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! 

37Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in Your ways." 

He suggests printing out verse 37 and putting in on the top of your TV and computer as a reminder to dwell on the truth and life that comes with the Lord, not the worthless images the world constantly throws at us. Alcorn states, "Lust is fed by whatever we've deposited in our brains that it can get its claws on. What's in our brains is what we've allowed in through our senses. The images and words in our minds must come either from specific things our eyes have seen and our ears have heard or an imaginative conglomerate of such input" (42). If we think the TV shows or movies we are watching, or the images we see on the Internet, are not having an effect on our minds, thoughts, and ability to fight sexual temptation--we are sadly mistaken.

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This truth goes hand in hand with the next part of the book that put a pretty heavy conviction on me. ((Disclaimer-the next sentence is a little provocative, but has a good point!))

Alcorn-- "Suppose I said, 'There's a great-looking girl down the street. Let's go look through her window and watch her undress, then pose for us naked, from the waist up. Then this girl and her boyfriend will get in a car and have sex--let's listen and watch the windows steam up!' 

You'd be shocked. You'd think, What a pervert!

But suppose instead I said, 'Hey, come on over. Let's watch Titanic.'

Christians recommend this movie, church youth groups view it together, and many have shown it in their homes. Yet the movie contains precisely the scenes I described" (61).

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He continues, "How does something shocking and shameful somehow become acceptable because we watch it through a television instead of a window? In terms of the lasting effects on our minds and morals, what's the difference?...Every day Christians across the country, including many church leaders, watch people undress through the window of television. We peek on people committing fornication and adultery, which our God calls an abomination. We've become voyeurs, Peeping Toms, entertained by sin" (62). 

Whew. Like I said, convicting. Mitchell's response to this when I read it aloud was, "Okay, so what does this do to our movie collection?" A grand question. Thus begins my process of weeding out some of the movies we have allowed into our home that aren't necessarily edifying for our minds. We have both been cautious of the type of media we allow to enter our minds, but this was a quick wake up call that we've still been compromising on things with the justification of "it's not that bad". I believe wholeheartedly that our minds are satan's number one target in regard to sin. We are called to wage war against the flesh using the divine power of His Word (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) and resisting satan, who prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:6-10).

And ladies, this goes for you just as much as it does the men reading this blog. For too long we have believed the lie that sexual temptation is just a "man's sin". Bull. We need to fight for purity just as much as they do--we need to turn our eyes when a provocative scene comes on the TV just as much as they do. We may not be as visually stimulated as men are, but we are still just as susceptible to sexual sin. So, do not read this as something your husband or boyfriend or brother needs to read. YOU read it. Ask the Lord where you need His sanctifying hand to intervene in your life. Fight for purity, sisters, in every area of your life. 

  

I hope this serves you the way it has served me. Ask yourself, "What TV shows, movies, books, internet sites, do I need to cut from my life? Am I dwelling on the ways of the Lord, or the worthless things of this world?" Perhaps these questions will spark a needed change in certain areas of your life.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -Philippians 4:8

For more reading on this topic:

1. "Finding Freedom In a Sex Obsessed World" - Neil Anderson

2. "Who I am in Christ" - Neil Anderson

3. "Radical Womanhood" - Carolyn McCulley

4. "Girls Gone Wise" - Mary Kassian

5. "Lies Women Believe" - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Just a few scriptures as references as well (I encourage you to look up others on your own, this is the number one way we can fight the lies of satan...the Word of God!):

Jonah 2:8

Deuteronomy 30: 19-20

Proverbs 5:20-23, 5:15-19

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

1 Thessalonians 4: 3-8

Galatians 6:7-9

Psalm 119:9-11, 15-16

A great reminder of the importance of memorizing scripture as a way to battle the temptations of this world...thankful for the reminder this morning!

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to Your word. With my whole heart I seek You; let me not wander from Your commandments! I have stored up Your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You...I will meditate on Your precepts and fix my eyes on Your ways. I will delight in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word."

His Ways are Not Our Ways

"Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake His way, and the unrighteous man His thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:6-9

I love these verses for a multitude of reasons.

• They bring attention to the compassionate and loving nature of the Lord toward His people.
• They highlight the opportunity we have right now to return to the Lord, and His willingness to not just forgive, but abundantly forgive.
• My favorite: He reminds us that His ways and thoughts are not the same as ours. 

I think that is the most interesting part. He says this directly after He calls those who have fallen away to return to Him and be forgiven. I think the Lord is highlighting the fact that for our sinful hearts it is hard for us to comprehend why He would forgive us--sinners, blasphemers, opponents to the Gospel (1 Timothy 1:13). I know this is something I have struggled with a multitude of times, and satan has used it as a tool of manipulation to convince me to doubt the Lord's abundant and complete forgiveness. But the Lord graciously reminds us here that His thoughts are not the same as ours--it is in His nature to forgive those who scorn Him.....just look at the cross.

It is also difficult for our default toward others to be compassionate and forgiving--yet, again, His ways and thoughts are not the same as ours. On our own we are selfish, prideful and self-centered, but the Lord graciously enables us to have qualities that go against our basic human nature. As we become more and more like Him, and less and less like ourselves, we experience the gracious gift of compassion, love, and forgiveness toward our brothers and sisters. 

What a wonderful truth to praise Him for today: His thoughts and ways are higher than our own, just as the heavens are higher than the earth! Praise Jesus. 

1 Timothy 1:12-17

"I thank Him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because He judged me faithful, appointing me to His service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.
But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in Him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."

Hosea 2:14-17, 19-20

I was asked to share the story of my redemption last night and it brought me to tears remembering all the Lord has mercifully done for me. So thankful for these verses this morning and the reminder they are to me of a God who loves His bride unconditionally.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more...

...And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord."

Roles (Part III)

I ended my last blog post at a place where I was not living confidently out the identity I knew the Lord had placed on my life. This will be my final post on what the Lord has been teaching me about roles, and the truth He used to remind me of His faithfulness in the midst of my faithlessness. (2 Timothy 2:13)

It took a trip to Nashville and a phone call with a good friend to help me see the answer to why I was feeling so insecure. While in Nashville I had a conversation with a Forge sister of mine, Jessica, whom I respect beyond words, about the complacency we had seen in our lives over the past year. Toward the end of the conversation she spoke boldly to me about the ways she had seen me live out of my identity confidently and the trust she had in the plans the Lord has for me.

Follow up that conversation with an encouraging phone call from my dear friend Hunter Beless, whom I also love and respect immensely. It was comforting to hear a woman I respect so deeply resonate with me on the difficulty that comes with living out who you are when you don't think you are being enabled to do so. By the end of those two conversations, I had both realized the error of my ways and been reminded of foundational truth from two incredible, Godly women. The Lord is gracious. 

Looking back on the past year I began to see that I had shifted from relying on my God-given identity to relying on the roles that I was filling to determine my identity. I almost think it was a subconscious occurrence. I became so focused on being the best wife, the best waitress, the best student, the best nanny—and to make sure others perceived me that way—that I lost sight of the mission the Lord gave me 3 years ago. He had revealed the gifts He has given me and put on my heart the need for growth and teaching within the church and within our generation of women, and yet I had lost confidence in those gifts and that calling simply because the roles in my life didn’t necessarily, in my deceived mind, use them.

I had become complacent.

I had forgotten the truth I mentioned in my first post on this topic, that who I am determines what I do, not the other way around. I had lost confidence in my identity as a redeemed bride and ambassador for Christ because I did not “feel” like the roles in my life aligned with that identity. Instead of seeing my roles as an opportunity to display my gifts and bless/equip/teach/serve those in my life, I placed my worth in those titles and roles. What a dangerous road, when we begin seeing our worth or identity in the things we do. 

Thank our gracious Lord that He has already started the process of defeating and replacing the lies of inadequacy (which Satan had so craftily woven) through His Word, through this blog, through my husband and friends. I share this in hopes that if you are battling the same feelings of inadequacy, you will be encouraged to remember who you are, who the Lord has created you to be, and be confident that wherever He may have you is exactly where He sees you most useful for His Kingdom. And He is a God worthy of trust. 

“The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people.” –A.W. Tozer

“For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for His name in serving the saints, as you still do. And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” –Hebrews 6:10-12