Righteousness

3 years ago I became a disciple of Christ during an 8-month discipleship program called The Forge. (This story is coming...I promise!) I thought, coming into the program, that I absolutely was a Christian, and absolutely knew the Gospel. But it wasn't until I began actually studying the Word of God and lived in a community of intentional discipleship and teaching that I realized I was mistaken...I actually did not understand the Gospel and most certainly had not been living the life of follower of Jesus Christ.

My Forge class!

So once that truth sank in and the Lord revealed to me the mysteries of His Gospel, I immediately set my mind to learning how to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which (I) had been called" (Ephesians 4:1). I spent the remainder of my year at The Forge having hard conversations, repenting of past sin, welcoming refinement through fire (1 Peter 1:6-7) and attempting to walk in obedience in all manner of life. This went along with ups and downs, but overall fairly well (it always seems to when you're surrounded by love and encouragement from fellow believers 24/7) up until graduation, and I, along with my Forge brothers and sisters, left STOKED to live out of this deep understanding of the identity the Lord had given to us (1 Peter 2:9).

 The final days of the Forge, displaying the now understood identities for each of us individually!

Alas, there was one concept that I had a misconstrued definition of, and it took quite some time for me to realize and, more importantly, rewrite this error. The word I was mistaken about was

Righteousness. 

Unknown to myself at the time, I had a very worldly definition of this word, as I'm sure many of you can relate to. In short, to live righteously in my mind was to "do the right thing". Makes sense, right? This article gives a great example by comparing the world's definition of righteousness to our law enforcement. Police officers could care less why you obey the law, as long as you do, right? Simply do what is right, and you're good, you've lived a "righteous" life. But as the article goes on to explain, Christ redefined this definition of righteousness when he highlighted the heart and motivation behind the action in Matthew 5 during the Sermon on the Mount. It is here that Christ makes the bold claim,

"...everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28) and "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment" (Matthew 5:21-22). 

It is here that He is demanding a transformation of the heart just as much as a transformation in actions. If Christ simply wanted obedience, He would have been satisfied with the Pharisees. But He wasn't. He demanded a righteousness that, quite honestly, within ourselves we are unable to fulfill. That is why Paul quotes Psalms 14 and 53 in the book of Romans, to highlight our inability to fulfill this righteousness on our own. "For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written, 'None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God'" (Romans 3:9-13).

Sounds kind of hopeless, doesn't it?

But, as we know, there is always hope in the Gospel. I found hope when I realized that my righteousness was not dependent on, nor defined by, my actions. Instead it is dependent on the already accomplished actions of Christ! "For as by one man's disobedience (Adam) the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience (Christ) the many will be made righteous" (Romans 5:19). I realized that when I became a disciple of Christ, I took on the identity of His holy people (1 Peter 1:14-16, 2:9), and now have been made righteous in the sight of God! Do you see? When the Lord now looks at me He does not see me as a sinner separated from Him, but because Christ walked in obedience (obedience even to death-Philippians 2:8) He now sees Christ and HIS righteousness in me! Whew. Talk about hope...and excitement....and relief. 

So to summarize all of this up, here is the truth that brings peace. I am righteous because the Lord calls me righteous, and now I am able to live out of that identity instead of striving to attain it. What a difference this makes, when we accept that we do not have to earn His salvation, love or mercy, but instead live our lives in obedience as an outflow of the identity He has mercifully placed upon us. Praise the Lord, o my soul. (Psalm 103)

His Ways are Not Our Ways

"Seek the Lord while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake His way, and the unrighteous man His thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:6-9

I love these verses for a multitude of reasons.

• They bring attention to the compassionate and loving nature of the Lord toward His people.
• They highlight the opportunity we have right now to return to the Lord, and His willingness to not just forgive, but abundantly forgive.
• My favorite: He reminds us that His ways and thoughts are not the same as ours. 

I think that is the most interesting part. He says this directly after He calls those who have fallen away to return to Him and be forgiven. I think the Lord is highlighting the fact that for our sinful hearts it is hard for us to comprehend why He would forgive us--sinners, blasphemers, opponents to the Gospel (1 Timothy 1:13). I know this is something I have struggled with a multitude of times, and satan has used it as a tool of manipulation to convince me to doubt the Lord's abundant and complete forgiveness. But the Lord graciously reminds us here that His thoughts are not the same as ours--it is in His nature to forgive those who scorn Him.....just look at the cross.

It is also difficult for our default toward others to be compassionate and forgiving--yet, again, His ways and thoughts are not the same as ours. On our own we are selfish, prideful and self-centered, but the Lord graciously enables us to have qualities that go against our basic human nature. As we become more and more like Him, and less and less like ourselves, we experience the gracious gift of compassion, love, and forgiveness toward our brothers and sisters. 

What a wonderful truth to praise Him for today: His thoughts and ways are higher than our own, just as the heavens are higher than the earth! Praise Jesus. 

Roles (Part III)

I ended my last blog post at a place where I was not living confidently out the identity I knew the Lord had placed on my life. This will be my final post on what the Lord has been teaching me about roles, and the truth He used to remind me of His faithfulness in the midst of my faithlessness. (2 Timothy 2:13)

It took a trip to Nashville and a phone call with a good friend to help me see the answer to why I was feeling so insecure. While in Nashville I had a conversation with a Forge sister of mine, Jessica, whom I respect beyond words, about the complacency we had seen in our lives over the past year. Toward the end of the conversation she spoke boldly to me about the ways she had seen me live out of my identity confidently and the trust she had in the plans the Lord has for me.

Follow up that conversation with an encouraging phone call from my dear friend Hunter Beless, whom I also love and respect immensely. It was comforting to hear a woman I respect so deeply resonate with me on the difficulty that comes with living out who you are when you don't think you are being enabled to do so. By the end of those two conversations, I had both realized the error of my ways and been reminded of foundational truth from two incredible, Godly women. The Lord is gracious. 

Looking back on the past year I began to see that I had shifted from relying on my God-given identity to relying on the roles that I was filling to determine my identity. I almost think it was a subconscious occurrence. I became so focused on being the best wife, the best waitress, the best student, the best nanny—and to make sure others perceived me that way—that I lost sight of the mission the Lord gave me 3 years ago. He had revealed the gifts He has given me and put on my heart the need for growth and teaching within the church and within our generation of women, and yet I had lost confidence in those gifts and that calling simply because the roles in my life didn’t necessarily, in my deceived mind, use them.

I had become complacent.

I had forgotten the truth I mentioned in my first post on this topic, that who I am determines what I do, not the other way around. I had lost confidence in my identity as a redeemed bride and ambassador for Christ because I did not “feel” like the roles in my life aligned with that identity. Instead of seeing my roles as an opportunity to display my gifts and bless/equip/teach/serve those in my life, I placed my worth in those titles and roles. What a dangerous road, when we begin seeing our worth or identity in the things we do. 

Thank our gracious Lord that He has already started the process of defeating and replacing the lies of inadequacy (which Satan had so craftily woven) through His Word, through this blog, through my husband and friends. I share this in hopes that if you are battling the same feelings of inadequacy, you will be encouraged to remember who you are, who the Lord has created you to be, and be confident that wherever He may have you is exactly where He sees you most useful for His Kingdom. And He is a God worthy of trust. 

“The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people.” –A.W. Tozer

“For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for His name in serving the saints, as you still do. And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” –Hebrews 6:10-12

Roles (Part II)

So, when I say “next blog”, maybe I mean “next 2 or 3 blogs”. Ha. As I began processing through what I was learning about roles, I realized I needed more than one post to create a little more context for the specific lessons I am learning. My hope is that some of the thought processes I am communicating will resonate with you in one way or another, and help you process through the place your own roles have in your life. Enjoy!

This past year has been a big one for me.

I married this good lookin’ guy.

I graduated from Texas A&M University (A-Whoop!).

 I became a waitress at an assisted living home while nannying this group of incredible children.

And now, starting in August I will be a student at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. I’m planning on going for an MA (or MDiv) in Discipleship and Family Ministry with the hopes of furthering my knowledge on ways to teach and equip women in my generation, and the ones after us, how to walk as passionate disciples of Jesus Christ. It’s an urgent call that I’ve felt the Lord place on my life, and one I’m honored to pursue with everything I have.

But I haven't been very confident in that pursuit recently.

Would you have guessed that by reading the previous paragraph? Maybe not. Through His grace, the Lord has blessed me with the ability to communicate my passions and my design pretty clearly to those who ask. But unfortunately I have allowed my own insecurities and fears to creep into the forefront of my mind over the past year, which has left me feeling both insecure and inadequate. 

I didn’t realize this until I made it to Louisville with Mitchell and began meeting people around the Seminary. I realized very quickly that while it’s not looked down upon by any means, it definitely is not the norm for a woman to be taking classes at Southern… much less the wife of a Seminary student, or one thinking about going for an MDiv. It’s just not common, which isn’t a bad thing at all, but for some reason it hit me the wrong way. I saw myself automatically shrinking back in conversation, making Mitchell do all the talking for me. I didn’t offer up why I wanted to take classes other than “I want to work with college-age women”. Why was I so insecure? Where did my confidence go? 

This began a journey down a road I’m sure many of you as women have travelled down before. It’s almost like a debate team is in competition inside your head, bouncing back and forth, attempting to convince you to believe their side. I saw myself literally living out 1 Peter 2:9-11. Watch, I’ll show you.

I knew the truth of who I am…

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His wonderful light.” (verse 9)

I knew where I had come from…

“Once you were not a people, now you are a people belonging to God; once you had not received mercy, now you have received mercy.” (verse 10)

I knew what I needed to do...

but satan knew my weaknesses. 

He knew exactly where he could attack—at the core of my identity. He threatened that identity by trying to convince me that it wasn’t true, that I was unable to fulfill the calling which my identity as God’s chosen had placed on my life.

“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in this world, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.” (verse 11)

This is where I found myself; satan himself waging war against my soul through the lies of insecurity, inadequacy, and doubt. But our God is a faithful God, and He quickly countered those lies with a beautiful truth, and THAT is where we will pick up next time!

What lie is satan using to convince you not to walk in your identity? What specific truth are you using to battle those lies?

Deuteronomy 7:6-9

This is one of my favorite sources for identity within scripture. Who are you?

"You are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for His treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set His love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that He swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments."

Roles (Part I)

I have played many roles in my life. 

I started out in music...(not really, this picture was just awesome)

And went on to ballet..

Tried my hand out in other forms of dancing...

Became a princess...

A cheerleader...

Ran for Walker County Fair Queen...

And have been a cowgirl all my life. 

These are just to name a FEW roles I have played in my 24 years of life. They are a big part of who I am today, but I have learned a lot about the "role" that "roles" actually play in my life.

In the American culture a person’s role is a huge part of “who they are” and how they are perceived. While in a discipleship program called The Forge (which I'll expand on in a post down the road I'm sure) I realized that I had bought into this mindset and believed that what I did and the roles I held determined who I was. After my sophomore year of college it was revealed to me that my entire identity was wrapped around the fact that, at the time, I was a Texas A&M student, a member of 3 different Christian organizations, a Pine Cove counselor and a respected leader in many people’s eyes. Boy, did that get rocked when I realized that if all of those things were stripped away from me, I wouldn’t know who I was. This began a year-long process of building my understanding that who I am is who the Lord says I am.

In other words, when I answer the question, “Who are you?”, my response should no longer be “Oh, I’m a student at Southern Seminary” or “I’m Mitchell’s wife” or “I worked at Pine Cove”. While those things are true, that is just a piece of my identity, it is not who I am. I am who the Lord says I am.

I am a redeemed bride of Christ (Hosea 2:14-20) chosen to be His ambassador in this world (Ephesians 6:19-20). THAT is who I am, and what I do should only be a product of that truth. (Post coming on how I reached this understanding soon)

Now, this truth is monumental and something I hold onto daily. But, in my next post I want to expand a little more on some of the difficulties I have faced when it comes to actually believing and walking in this truth. Vulnerability, here I come.

Until then, what roles do you have in your life? Are any of them determining your identity instead of being a product of it?