Roles (Part II)

So, when I say “next blog”, maybe I mean “next 2 or 3 blogs”. Ha. As I began processing through what I was learning about roles, I realized I needed more than one post to create a little more context for the specific lessons I am learning. My hope is that some of the thought processes I am communicating will resonate with you in one way or another, and help you process through the place your own roles have in your life. Enjoy!

This past year has been a big one for me.

I married this good lookin’ guy.

I graduated from Texas A&M University (A-Whoop!).

 I became a waitress at an assisted living home while nannying this group of incredible children.

And now, starting in August I will be a student at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. I’m planning on going for an MA (or MDiv) in Discipleship and Family Ministry with the hopes of furthering my knowledge on ways to teach and equip women in my generation, and the ones after us, how to walk as passionate disciples of Jesus Christ. It’s an urgent call that I’ve felt the Lord place on my life, and one I’m honored to pursue with everything I have.

But I haven't been very confident in that pursuit recently.

Would you have guessed that by reading the previous paragraph? Maybe not. Through His grace, the Lord has blessed me with the ability to communicate my passions and my design pretty clearly to those who ask. But unfortunately I have allowed my own insecurities and fears to creep into the forefront of my mind over the past year, which has left me feeling both insecure and inadequate. 

I didn’t realize this until I made it to Louisville with Mitchell and began meeting people around the Seminary. I realized very quickly that while it’s not looked down upon by any means, it definitely is not the norm for a woman to be taking classes at Southern… much less the wife of a Seminary student, or one thinking about going for an MDiv. It’s just not common, which isn’t a bad thing at all, but for some reason it hit me the wrong way. I saw myself automatically shrinking back in conversation, making Mitchell do all the talking for me. I didn’t offer up why I wanted to take classes other than “I want to work with college-age women”. Why was I so insecure? Where did my confidence go? 

This began a journey down a road I’m sure many of you as women have travelled down before. It’s almost like a debate team is in competition inside your head, bouncing back and forth, attempting to convince you to believe their side. I saw myself literally living out 1 Peter 2:9-11. Watch, I’ll show you.

I knew the truth of who I am…

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His wonderful light.” (verse 9)

I knew where I had come from…

“Once you were not a people, now you are a people belonging to God; once you had not received mercy, now you have received mercy.” (verse 10)

I knew what I needed to do...

but satan knew my weaknesses. 

He knew exactly where he could attack—at the core of my identity. He threatened that identity by trying to convince me that it wasn’t true, that I was unable to fulfill the calling which my identity as God’s chosen had placed on my life.

“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in this world, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.” (verse 11)

This is where I found myself; satan himself waging war against my soul through the lies of insecurity, inadequacy, and doubt. But our God is a faithful God, and He quickly countered those lies with a beautiful truth, and THAT is where we will pick up next time!

What lie is satan using to convince you not to walk in your identity? What specific truth are you using to battle those lies?