If : Gathering

So, for any of you that know me personally, you will know that this is right up my alley!

I don't have much information, but I will for sure keep you updated as I find out. If : Gathering is a new movement designed to equip and inspire the women of our generation to walk boldly as disciples of Christ and teach others to do the same. Sound familiar? Like I said...right up my alley!

I am excited and encouraged to see the Lord moving in so many women's hearts to take ownership of the Great Commission that was given to us all. I cannot wait to see what all the Lord does with this movement, and can't wait to see how I, along with countless others, can become involved in this dream.

1 Timothy 1:12-17

"I thank Him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because He judged me faithful, appointing me to His service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.
But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display His perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in Him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen."

Hosea 2:14-17, 19-20

I was asked to share the story of my redemption last night and it brought me to tears remembering all the Lord has mercifully done for me. So thankful for these verses this morning and the reminder they are to me of a God who loves His bride unconditionally.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

And in that day, declares the Lord, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more...

...And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord."

Roles (Part III)

I ended my last blog post at a place where I was not living confidently out the identity I knew the Lord had placed on my life. This will be my final post on what the Lord has been teaching me about roles, and the truth He used to remind me of His faithfulness in the midst of my faithlessness. (2 Timothy 2:13)

It took a trip to Nashville and a phone call with a good friend to help me see the answer to why I was feeling so insecure. While in Nashville I had a conversation with a Forge sister of mine, Jessica, whom I respect beyond words, about the complacency we had seen in our lives over the past year. Toward the end of the conversation she spoke boldly to me about the ways she had seen me live out of my identity confidently and the trust she had in the plans the Lord has for me.

Follow up that conversation with an encouraging phone call from my dear friend Hunter Beless, whom I also love and respect immensely. It was comforting to hear a woman I respect so deeply resonate with me on the difficulty that comes with living out who you are when you don't think you are being enabled to do so. By the end of those two conversations, I had both realized the error of my ways and been reminded of foundational truth from two incredible, Godly women. The Lord is gracious. 

Looking back on the past year I began to see that I had shifted from relying on my God-given identity to relying on the roles that I was filling to determine my identity. I almost think it was a subconscious occurrence. I became so focused on being the best wife, the best waitress, the best student, the best nanny—and to make sure others perceived me that way—that I lost sight of the mission the Lord gave me 3 years ago. He had revealed the gifts He has given me and put on my heart the need for growth and teaching within the church and within our generation of women, and yet I had lost confidence in those gifts and that calling simply because the roles in my life didn’t necessarily, in my deceived mind, use them.

I had become complacent.

I had forgotten the truth I mentioned in my first post on this topic, that who I am determines what I do, not the other way around. I had lost confidence in my identity as a redeemed bride and ambassador for Christ because I did not “feel” like the roles in my life aligned with that identity. Instead of seeing my roles as an opportunity to display my gifts and bless/equip/teach/serve those in my life, I placed my worth in those titles and roles. What a dangerous road, when we begin seeing our worth or identity in the things we do. 

Thank our gracious Lord that He has already started the process of defeating and replacing the lies of inadequacy (which Satan had so craftily woven) through His Word, through this blog, through my husband and friends. I share this in hopes that if you are battling the same feelings of inadequacy, you will be encouraged to remember who you are, who the Lord has created you to be, and be confident that wherever He may have you is exactly where He sees you most useful for His Kingdom. And He is a God worthy of trust. 

“The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people.” –A.W. Tozer

“For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for His name in serving the saints, as you still do. And we desire each one of you to show the same earnestness to have the full assurance of hope until the end, so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.” –Hebrews 6:10-12

WE HAVE JOBS!!!!!!!

It's official, people! I began training at the one and only Texas Roadhouse this week as a waitress! LOVE IT!

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And my handsome husband Mitchell will begin work at a store called Trader Joe's! (for all you Texas folk who don't know what that is--much like myself--it's like an affordable, simplified Whole Foods!)

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The Lord is faithful to provide, and we couldn't be more excited!! Thank you for all of your prayers through this time of job searching!

Roles (Part II)

So, when I say “next blog”, maybe I mean “next 2 or 3 blogs”. Ha. As I began processing through what I was learning about roles, I realized I needed more than one post to create a little more context for the specific lessons I am learning. My hope is that some of the thought processes I am communicating will resonate with you in one way or another, and help you process through the place your own roles have in your life. Enjoy!

This past year has been a big one for me.

I married this good lookin’ guy.

I graduated from Texas A&M University (A-Whoop!).

 I became a waitress at an assisted living home while nannying this group of incredible children.

And now, starting in August I will be a student at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. I’m planning on going for an MA (or MDiv) in Discipleship and Family Ministry with the hopes of furthering my knowledge on ways to teach and equip women in my generation, and the ones after us, how to walk as passionate disciples of Jesus Christ. It’s an urgent call that I’ve felt the Lord place on my life, and one I’m honored to pursue with everything I have.

But I haven't been very confident in that pursuit recently.

Would you have guessed that by reading the previous paragraph? Maybe not. Through His grace, the Lord has blessed me with the ability to communicate my passions and my design pretty clearly to those who ask. But unfortunately I have allowed my own insecurities and fears to creep into the forefront of my mind over the past year, which has left me feeling both insecure and inadequate. 

I didn’t realize this until I made it to Louisville with Mitchell and began meeting people around the Seminary. I realized very quickly that while it’s not looked down upon by any means, it definitely is not the norm for a woman to be taking classes at Southern… much less the wife of a Seminary student, or one thinking about going for an MDiv. It’s just not common, which isn’t a bad thing at all, but for some reason it hit me the wrong way. I saw myself automatically shrinking back in conversation, making Mitchell do all the talking for me. I didn’t offer up why I wanted to take classes other than “I want to work with college-age women”. Why was I so insecure? Where did my confidence go? 

This began a journey down a road I’m sure many of you as women have travelled down before. It’s almost like a debate team is in competition inside your head, bouncing back and forth, attempting to convince you to believe their side. I saw myself literally living out 1 Peter 2:9-11. Watch, I’ll show you.

I knew the truth of who I am…

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness and into His wonderful light.” (verse 9)

I knew where I had come from…

“Once you were not a people, now you are a people belonging to God; once you had not received mercy, now you have received mercy.” (verse 10)

I knew what I needed to do...

but satan knew my weaknesses. 

He knew exactly where he could attack—at the core of my identity. He threatened that identity by trying to convince me that it wasn’t true, that I was unable to fulfill the calling which my identity as God’s chosen had placed on my life.

“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in this world, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.” (verse 11)

This is where I found myself; satan himself waging war against my soul through the lies of insecurity, inadequacy, and doubt. But our God is a faithful God, and He quickly countered those lies with a beautiful truth, and THAT is where we will pick up next time!

What lie is satan using to convince you not to walk in your identity? What specific truth are you using to battle those lies?

Deuteronomy 7:6-9

This is one of my favorite sources for identity within scripture. Who are you?

"You are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for His treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the Lord set His love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the Lord loves you and is keeping the oath that He swore to your fathers, that the Lord has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments."

Romans 8:9-11

"You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." 

“This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified.” --Martin Luther

Roles (Part I)

I have played many roles in my life. 

I started out in music...(not really, this picture was just awesome)

And went on to ballet..

Tried my hand out in other forms of dancing...

Became a princess...

A cheerleader...

Ran for Walker County Fair Queen...

And have been a cowgirl all my life. 

These are just to name a FEW roles I have played in my 24 years of life. They are a big part of who I am today, but I have learned a lot about the "role" that "roles" actually play in my life.

In the American culture a person’s role is a huge part of “who they are” and how they are perceived. While in a discipleship program called The Forge (which I'll expand on in a post down the road I'm sure) I realized that I had bought into this mindset and believed that what I did and the roles I held determined who I was. After my sophomore year of college it was revealed to me that my entire identity was wrapped around the fact that, at the time, I was a Texas A&M student, a member of 3 different Christian organizations, a Pine Cove counselor and a respected leader in many people’s eyes. Boy, did that get rocked when I realized that if all of those things were stripped away from me, I wouldn’t know who I was. This began a year-long process of building my understanding that who I am is who the Lord says I am.

In other words, when I answer the question, “Who are you?”, my response should no longer be “Oh, I’m a student at Southern Seminary” or “I’m Mitchell’s wife” or “I worked at Pine Cove”. While those things are true, that is just a piece of my identity, it is not who I am. I am who the Lord says I am.

I am a redeemed bride of Christ (Hosea 2:14-20) chosen to be His ambassador in this world (Ephesians 6:19-20). THAT is who I am, and what I do should only be a product of that truth. (Post coming on how I reached this understanding soon)

Now, this truth is monumental and something I hold onto daily. But, in my next post I want to expand a little more on some of the difficulties I have faced when it comes to actually believing and walking in this truth. Vulnerability, here I come.

Until then, what roles do you have in your life? Are any of them determining your identity instead of being a product of it?

Psalm 116:5-7

"Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple; when I was brought low, He saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."

Hello, Louisville!

Well, it has been over 2 weeks since Mitchell and I have moved to Louisville, Kentucky and let's just say things have been a little busy! Whether we were scouting out the city with my parents (who graciously offered their time to help us move up here)...

Or checking out the Churchill Downs...

Bike riding through local parks (like Cherokee Park, a fave of ours right down the road)...

Or working on our new garden (Zucchini, cucumbers, carrots, squash, bell peppers, rosemary and basil--stoked!)...

...we have loved settling in to our new home. The transition has proven itself both easy and difficult at the same time--a paradox of sorts, but one I think most of you understand if you've ever experienced the transition into a new city.

It was easy getting everything unpacked and exciting to begin exploring this new place with my husband, but difficult once the pang of loneliness settled in...when I realized I didn't really have anyone to call to come tell me if the picture I hung was straight or the new curtain I picked out was okay. Yes, Mitchell was here, but there's something special about having a girl friend come over and exclaim their excitement about your new home and compliment every small detail you worked on ("Oh I LOVE how you covered your pantry with a curtain!" "No, you're right, those books look way better on that shelf than the other one...") that I deeply longed for.

Mitchell and I both realized quickly that though we love having one another around and do find comfort in each other's friendship, we had taken for granted having friends outside of our marriage to spend time with. It was kind of a surprise for Mitchell that he was experiencing the same feelings I was, I don't think he expected it as much as I did. But it is a sweet reminder as we settle into a new place that friendships and community are something absolutely worth investing in. It enriches our marriage when Mitchell has men in his life he can talk to, process through some of his thoughts, and do "man things" with, just as much as it does when I have those women in my life.

Community is a sweet gift from the Lord that we look forward to cultivating during our time here in Louisville as we remember "it is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

What are some lessons you have learned within the first month of transition into a new city?